Alan,

I just got your note...
I'm going to continue to write to you here because you've deleted the only address I've had, and left your dA page.
You said that would be the last correspondence I ever receive from you.
My heart skipped a beat when I saw it.

I just want to tell you that A) I knew James even before I knew you... So you can't say I didn't know him. And B) It was an emergency situation... what was I supposed to do? I would have done the same for any of you... you know me.
I just don't understand why you leave me because you don't like/trust him.
There's nothing between us and there NEVER will be. Ever. I could NEVER see him as anything more than a friend. There's so much I want to say to you to reassure you... even now.
I just wish you would have talked to me first.
Because now where do I turn to?


And I'm sorry that I leave once in a while for a few minutes. I have the tendency to fall asleep... Do you know why?
There's a reason. And I don't want to say it here for everyone to see.
I've been working my ass off so I can become a permanent employee, so I can have PTO, to use when you came down.
Been having some hellish problems the last couple of weeks, and I can't believe...
I just can't believe you let it end there.

Shit, I keep coming home... expecting to find your ":B" as soon as I sign in. And your "<3" as soon as I leave.
You can't imagine how disappointed I am...
Work is hell. You're all I can think about...
You were all I can think about anyway, but now instead of smiling, I have to force back tears. There hasn't been a day since I read that note that I haven't cried. Hell, that's all I did for the first couple...

I would have let you move in if you were in the same situation... And it's not like I planned on bringing James with me when I moved in with you.
Hell, I was ready to move out from Ashley's side for you. What does that say?
Do you take that so lightly?
Alan, I trusted you so much. I never hid anything from you.

You knew as soon as I knew that James was coming down. I can't exactly predict the future, so I couldn't exactly tell you before I knew. I told you the day we started talking about it. Even before it was for sure I told you about it.
You know how I am with men....
God, if it were anyone else other than you I'd just say "You feel that way. Here's the door. I'm done. It's not worth my tears, not worth making myself sick over."
But I'm going to fight for you now. Just like I fought for you at the beginning. Even if it costs me everything.
Like I thought you'd fight for me a little more than you have...

I just wish you'd talk to me...
That's all I ask.
I can only imagine how you feel about me at this point...

You've gotten so cold in these notes you leave.
And I'm so terrified that I'll really never hear from you again..
Don't do that to me. I would never, ever have done that to you.
Just give me something... an address... something. Don't make me keep doing this so everyone can see. It kills me. I've tried to get ahold of you other ways, but you've deleted the only address I had... and your number was in the phone at my fathers. I've been tearing things apart looking for the damned thing on a piece of paper... But I can't find it.
I never beg for ANYTHING. I'm too damned proud.
But I'll make an exception. Please.

I still love you.
And just like you promised me, I'll promise you. I'll never stop.
Even though you have.

I'm right smack in the middle of packing... Normally I love to pack (I like fitting things together just right to make them fit into a certain... space... Weird, I know.) But I'm just not feelin' it tonight
Kind of an odd day I suppose... I got up, got ready, went to work just like any normal day (except for the fact that I knew I was working overtime today... again.) Drove to work, parked, walked to the building, got on the elevator, went up to my floor... But wouldn't you know it. Technical difficulties. Not with the whole system this time...no. Just me
3 of my 4 sets of codes locked me out of the system. Just randomly. I dunno.
So I talked to my supervisor. He said "Oh, we can reset those for you. But it'll take about half an hour for the reset to kick in. So we'll just have you read the KANA IQ until then."
I was like... that is fine with me. So we went back to his desk so we could reset the codes, and wouldn't you know it... technical difficulties with the reset-program or something like that.
So he sent me home.
Yeah. He sent me home.
He said it shouldn't be too long, he'd contact me when they were up and running again.
This is at 9:15am. I went in at 8:50am. Was supposed to work until 7:00pm.
It is now 6:51pm.
I've had contact with my supervisor twice. And they managed to fix one set of my codes. But the other two, as far as I'm aware, remain untouchable. So much for not being too long...

Here's the thing that grates on my nerves a bit. First of all, the whole reason I'm working overtime this week coincides with packing. I am taking off tomorrow night for some much needed off-time. I'm taking Friday and Saturday off work. I've been trying to make up my damned hours this week by working overtime... Not only did I miss the makeup hours today, I missed the whole damned day. So that's three days out of my paycheck... That's almost $300.... Yeah. So.
Anyway.
I'm hoping that by tomorrow when I get into work, they'll be up and running. If not, that will be four days in a row I miss, which will just be detrimental...

Anyway. Packing. Yes. I'm pretty excited for this trip. We'll leave tomorrow, straight from work. I'm packing up the car tonight. Yus.


Features from my friends list are temporarily postponed... Sorry loves.



Regular features;

Ehm.... yeah.

Was an eventful weekend last weekend. On Saturday evening I drove upstate to pick up :dev:b0r3d13: up from the airport... Came back... N' yeah. Sunday was father's day. I went to the river and swam that morning/early afternoon. Later that afternoon we cleaned up and went on a 2-hour grocery shopping spree. Then that evening we headed to my grandparent's house to do the father's day gathering thing. We went home (beat) baked a cake... Yeah.
Come Sunday we got up early, packed up, and went up to the mountains in San Isabel for the day. It was sooo foggy and rainy. I had a bit of a hard time driving up there on the high-mountain, winding roads when I could hardly see past my hood But at the same time it made everything SO damned gorgeous. So yeah. Natural water slides. Cold ass water. Fifty five degrees. When it drops you into the bottom pool, it makes your lungs constrict

P.S.- Some jerk spammed the heck out of my page... Obviously I can't delete those comments (downfall. Downfall.) Leave me nice ones?


Here are the pictures from that trip;


























Artist showcase from my friends list;


@anjules

@autumnights

=chinaroses

=codeboy

=distancexkills



Regular features;

Couple things to say, one of which is to announce that =b0r3d13 will be moving in with me and ~Remembrance02 this coming Saturday His flight arives around 5:50 my time, so I will be driving upstate right from work to meet him I'm excited!

In other news... work has been interesting lately. Ups and downs. ~Remembrance02 finally finished up training this past Friday, yesterday was her first day on the floor. So we'll be watching that progress Also, a few old friends of mine have also recently started there. One is right smack in the middle of her training, one is nearing the end of her 'nesting period' and will hopefully be on the floor next week. The company is growing

Moving on... Oh yes... Haha, upcoming vacation. Very short, but vacation none-the-less. I will be taking the 27th and 28th of this month off (a Friday and Saturday, I already have Sunday and Monday off) in order to go to the western half of the state camping. Near the Royal Gorge and whatnot. I'll be dragging ~Remembrance02 , =b0r3d13 , as well as numerous other people along with me
Was wanting to bring =chinaroses as well, but unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, her trip has been delayed until later this summer, right around the time =exsecror will be making his visit

Will be introducing these people to ~Remembrance02 (of course), ~aimirgin , ~buildingsforbrains , and hopefully ~LostOnMyOwn if I can get her to come out of hiding

Yes, Noelle. You.

We've been continuously bombarded with storms lately... I'm afraid of them, so it's been an interesting week
Of course, better than the tornado that ~DaPineapple nearly got way-laid by. o.o
He's gone away to work, by the way. Write him a letter and send him cookies!

Anyway.



In this one I'm going to showcase a portion of people who can be found in my friends list. I'll be doing this, semi-alphabetically for the next few journals. But here is today's portion.


Artists/Features;


~acetheone

*angelitonegro

~Aquarian18

~buildingsforbrains

~Bwitchd3

~DaPineapple

~danibanani82



Aaaand the regular features;

Mmmk, so here's the first of many things. This is going to be a long one, ladies and gentlemen.


I sort of stole this from ~fallen-from-grace13


The first ten of you who make it to reply to this (I can already tell you who it's going to be) I will do an artwork for you.


To the first ten of you: You have your choice between a photo with a theme or color of your choice or I can do a cartoon character sketch of you. I'm not bad at cartooning.

Anyway...

Yes. Bad. Ass. Couple. Of. Days.
And not in a good way.
Some of it's personal, and I don't feel like sharing, but what I will tell you is two things.
The first and most perturbing of which being;

My car was broken into this afternoon. While I was at work, somebody raided my car while it was in the parking garage. Yes. Things were taken. Yes. Things were damaged. Yes. I am absolutely livid. I just can't comprehend why you would do that to another human being. While I'm fucking working my ass off, you break into my vehicle, and you take things that I worked to pay for. Because you're too fucking lazy to work for yourself. Yes. I'm angry. But probably more disgusted than anything.

And the second factor being;

System failure at work. MASS system failure. Which.... is amusing, but oh-so-annoying at the same time. Amusing because the entire damn center flips the hell out. Supervisors, managers, team leads, reps, all running around like the world is coming to a crashing, deafening HALT. Our systems booted us out. Walkie talkies, direct connect, and people yelling all over the place. Honestly this is what I heard
"Base to TUSCON-" (we have another center in Arizona, USA.) "- System failure. I repeat; SYSTEM FAILURE. Citrix and ensemble down, fatal error. Placing call to command center. Abort all call flow."
I'm like.... Dude. So people can't pay their bills for ten minutes. Whoop-dee-fucking doo.
Hah.
Though I hear that my company looses thousands of dollars every minute our systems are down.
And annoying because I have to sit there for thirty minutes reading the 'System Down Script' and getting my head bitten off because the customers are just going to DIE if they can't get into their accounts RIGHT. FUCKING. NOW.
Yeah, shut the hell up

Anyhow.